Gold Dust Woman
by CuriousKate
Summary: For Edward, it's enough to get by just imagining Bella living her life the way humans should. But is it? Alice knows better and as she watches him begin to lose himself, she realizes he's just begging for the right reason to close the distance. And as a vision of Bella grinding against a pole comes storming into Alice's head, fate seems to do the work for her.
1. Unwelcome Visions

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE – **I'm sorry I've written so much but I really feel like I need to start you off on the right track before you read this story. To lay the foundation of this story, we're just going to say that Jacob and Bella were close even after establishing he was a werewolf and all that she doesn't stay in forks and she doesn't jump of the cliff, so Alice never turns up. After Jacob pushes Bella away, she retracts and goes back to her zombie-self.

Note: I named this story Gold Dust Woman (a song by Fleetwood Mac) because when I listened to it, it painted a very vivid picture in my head that inspired me to write this story. I hope you like it and I strongly advise you listen to the song, it's really good.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters, or Twilight itself. I play around with the plot and characters for entertainment purposes only. Any copyright infringements are unintended.

Rating: M just for the sake of bad language and suggestive themes. It may get explicit, I haven't quite got to the place where I can fully decide. Characters will remain as true to themselves as I am able to portray, although I won't sensor anything like Stephenie has in her books. That's not my style.

**Gold Dust Woman**

Alice POV (June 11th, 2006)

_The dusty, boxy gymnasium looked different, adorned with deep navy blue and dull gold. The young adults stood in proud formation, flanking either side of the makeshift stage in their navy robes. On the curiously rocky stage, seemingly constructed with a collection of old hardwood boxes, stood a handful of Forks high school teachers. _

My husband was at my side before the vision pulled me back in, his supportive hands on my shoulders.

_The principal held his smile up as the seniors each filed out across the stage, all in the correct formation to be called upon to graciously receive their diploma. He murmured an insincere 'congratulations' to each and every child, shaking their hand firmly before handing them their reward. _

_"Isabella Swan," he called, letting the name boom out across the tight space, seemingly louder than he had said the rest. The gym, filled with unrelenting, near silent mumbling of small town parents, seemed to go completely silent. A frail, thin looking girl stood up, drowning in her robe. She robotically made her way up to the smiling principal. Her hair fell over the side of her face, a dark, limp curtain, shutting out the crowd._

I recalled Charlie's voice as he proudly cheered her on, feeling the vibration of his clap against my hands. This vision was in his eyes.

_His voice rang out in the silence. He didn't seem to care, didn't even bat an eyelid at anyone but his daughter. She stopped in her tracks, slowly, lethargically turning her head up to face the sound. Her face came into view. _

_A pair of dark, lifeless eyes stared into mine for the briefest moment, something hidden deep inside them. Something raw. Something painful way beyond what any creature could ever really handle. Her face was gaunt, almost yellowing. She looked somewhat unwashed, layers of dry, dead skin dusting over her pallid face. Beneath her dead eyes were deep, lilac bruises. _

_Her pale, cracked lips pulled up at the corners for two whole seconds, before she turned so slowly, so delicately. As if the wrong movement could cause her body to fall apart at the seams. The principal's smile immediately fell as he reached to shake her hand limply. He hastily pressed her rolled up diploma into her feeble grasp, obviously wanting rid of the problem child. He forgot to congratulate her in his all his haste. _

_No one but Charlie clapped for her as she wandered off the stage._

It ended there.

I felt Jasper's hands slip into mine as he gently kissed the back of my neck. I let myself lean back against his towering frame as the pain of my most recent vision shuttered through me. Never had I imagined my lovely sister in that state. She looked so broken, so lost...

"Another one?" He murmured the question quietly in my ear. I closed my eyes, fighting against the dry lump in my throat. I had betrayed my brother, betrayed him by letting the visions come. I had betrayed my sister, for leaving her to rot as I bore witness to her ever deepening depression.

"How can I fix this?" I whispered harshly. "This is madness. They _belong _together."

"Give him time," Jasper replied, placing healing kisses upon my hand. The familiar feeling of artificial calm sunk into my bones. I was grateful usually for Jasper's interrupting my emotions as of late. However, right now I needed to feel this. I gave him the look, the one that unequivocally stated '_not now_'. He backed off.

"Jasper, he's had all the time in the world. I've called and _called. _And on the rare occasion he does answer, it's like talking to a cactus. He's _so stubborn,_" I seethed. I glanced up at Jasper, watching sympathetically as he winced against the weight of my intense emotions.

"Okay," I said, determination clear in my voice. "You may calm me down, now. I need to fix this, before they lose themselves in this nightmare."

Edward POV

The dull vibrations of my cell phone resonated through the quiet in the room. The other sounds of the world seemed distant in my ears, shrouded in something thick. The sensation was not unlike being under water.

I knew fine well who it was. The thought of answering was about as appealing as sinking my teeth into a rotten carcass. I couldn't remember when I'd last fed. The burning came and went. Starving myself was nowhere near as unbearable as I had initially presumed. I supposed I wasn't actively starving myself. I'd just decided to do nothing at all.

The real pain came from somewhere else, somewhere from deep inside my silent chest. Who even knew I had a heart to break? Who knew I could love like this?

The love I had felt for her had caused me more pain than any thirst. This heartache was unlike anything I'd ever felt. I'd welcome a thousand lifetimes of intense physical pain if ridding myself of this hunger, hunger for my mate, could be put to rest. I longed for her. Sitting here, slowly becoming an ancient statue, all I thought of was her lovely face. The feel of her lips against mine.

I both cherished and loathed the memories.

I couldn't let myself return to her. I had to stay strong, for her. For all I knew, she was _undoubtedly_ moving on from her human infatuation with me. She'd be about to enjoy her last summer of childhood, launching into her brand new adult life. I imagined her in college, meeting new people, learning about literature, probably. Who knew, perhaps she'd earn her degree in some alternative subject. She'd never ceased to surprise me.

Not that I would ever know. Not that it was my _business. _Her whole future was a mystery to me, a perpetually unanswered question. However, no matter how I suffered I would never allow myself to invade her fragile world. The best thing I ever did for her was promise to stay out of her life, to make it seem like I had never even existed.

How I longed to be human. So selfishly, I longed to be right kind of man for her.

One thing I would never do, for the sake of being an essentially selfish creature, was allow myself to imagine her with another man. The thought made me want to spring to my feet, to walk out into the baking Italian sun and have the Volturi end me within hours.

My phone vibrated again, for the sixteenth time today. Alice had no knowledge of what it meant to just quit.

This time, the vibration was brief, short. A text.

I reached for my cell, flipping it open.

_Answer the phone, Edward. _It read. _It's rather important. _

I couldn't really see how anything she had to say would hold any real importance to me. I had nothing to live for anymore. The more I thought it over in my head, the more I realized that it had been a long time since I'd seen my family. About six months. Alice had rarely contacted me since then. Carlisle even less. A small voice in the very blackest corner of my mind suggested something that made my chest ache.

_Something's wrong with Bella._

The very thought of her name, uttered even in the far reaches of my mind, caused a level of pain I had no idea could even exist.

I answered on the first ring.

The silence barely lasted a millisecond before Alice spoke gently down the receiver.

"Edward?"

"Yes?" I responded, deadpan. My voice cracked. I hadn't spoken aloud in months.

"I think it's time for a visit."

I sighed, raking my fingers through my hair. I could feel the dust fibres that had settled on my scalp whirling around my head.

"I thought you said this was _important_," I uttered, aggravated. It felt strange, feeling anything other than hollow and longing.

"It is," she insisted. "You and I both know that we all miss you. _Especially _Esme."

The unwelcome guilt lay heavy on my shoulders at that.

"I don't think I can face it," I whispered, sounding pathetic. I didn't even have it in me to care. My head was in my hands as I spoke almost silently into the receaver.

"I know it's hard, brother." Her voice was laced with sincerity. "We all miss Bel–"

"Don't," I warned lowly, feeling a new level of pain blossoming in my heart. She knew not to say her name. I didn't want the hear her name. I couldn't for the life of me handle it.

"I'm sorry," she quickly apologised. "I did call because we're worried about you. It's not just that though."

"What is it, then?"

"It's...It's kind of..."

Alice at a loss for words was a once every decade occurrence.

"Spit it out, Alice."

"We need to talk about something. It's really, _really _important. It's not appropriate for over the phone though," she added.

"Alice-" I started.

"Just be here as soon as you can Edward. Please. Not just for me."

The long silence stretched on. I stood up, for the first time in a long time. It felt strange. My bones felt weaker.

I sighed in resignation and hung up the phone. Alice was undeniably a force to be reckoned with.

Alice POV

We were all ready and waiting, each positioned too casually around different parts of the house as he approached. I carefully shut my thoughts away before he could come close enough to focus on what secrets I held. I focused on his arrival, and when my mind would wander, I would find myself thinking of random things, like all the major current Parisian tourist attractions and the Russian alphabet.

I would talk to him about it later. But not now. Not yet.

I watched as Esme fidgeted, perched on the couch with Jasper holding my hand, sending waves of calm through me. I had to keep my wits about me and anxiety would do nothing to assist me in my bid to save my family.

Edward's feet gently padded on the pathway leading up to the house as he walked at a human pace. Esme anxiously stood up, smoothing her pencil skirt, a nervous, somewhat human-like habit.

Emmett and Rosalie appeared at the top of the stairs. Carlisle waited patiently in his office.

Esme reached the door and flung it open a hair too hard, cracking the wall paint with the force of the blow. The hinges groaned. She hardly noticed.

"Son!" she choked out happily as he reached her. She eagerly wrapped her arms around the lanky frame of my brother. His scent immediately struck me as off, tainted with dust and something else. He looked half starved. His cheeks were hollowing slightly, his eyes wild and blacker than I'd ever seen. They looked like two holes in his head. His skin was no longer a snowy white but rather a dull, milky grey. His mouth was set in an unmoving grim line, his expression painted with something that caused the dry lump in my throat to return.

He was suffering more than I had ever realized.

Esme gasped as she held him at arm's length. She narrowed her eyes accusingly, treating Edward as only a concerned mother would.

"You need to hunt," she scowled. "Desperately." It was incredibly unlike Esme to scowl. It looked all wrong on her beautiful, kind face. She was right to be worried. Edward didn't even glance at me, obviously ignoring my thoughts. Probably ignoring everyone's thoughts.

"Yes," he murmured quietly, to appease her more than anything I think. "Perhaps I will hunt later."

The way he spoke...he sounded like he'd fallen somewhere deep into the pit of his mind, letting his body do the work for him while he suffered quietly within.

I also couldn't help but notice that he was wearing exactly the same clothes he wore when I saw him last, six months ago.

He looked up at us then, freeing himself from Esme's grip. His movements were noticeably weaker. I had wondered why it had taken him so long to get here, thinking that maybe he was half way around the world by now. I now realized that it was probably because he had slowed down due to his depleting energy levels.

"Hello, Edward," I greeted him, smiling as genuinely as I could muster in light of the dark direction our family life had taken.

"Alice," he nodded, in turn nodding at everyone else. They all glanced warily at him, unsure of how to proceed.

"Where do you hail from," Emmett smirked, trying to make light of the circumstances. "Were you travelling?"

Edward did not smile.

"No...I have been staying in Toronto. In a motel." He glanced down at Esme nervously.

"A _motel_?" She choked out, stunned. "This whole time? My goodness, Edward what on earth..."

He didn't answer. He simply stared ahead, sorrow etched deep in his face.

"This is not healthy," she continued on. "Darling...you must get back some kind of routine. You need to carry on-"

Suddenly, his face turned sharply, meeting her gaze. Esme, taken aback, took a few steps backward. Something in his eyes shut her up, like he was silently begging her to just leave it.

And then Rosalie opened her mouth.

"She's right Edward. I think it's time we moved on from this," she said with confidence. Trying to catch his eye.

His deeply bruised lids closed over. His voice was almost too low, even for our ears.

"Don't. Just _don't._"

Rosalie opened her mouth to speak. I turned my head sharply, catching her eye. I raised my brow, daring her to say another word. I had warned her about this. She scowled at me. I scowled right back.

Edward gave me a brief, grateful glance. Something about the brand new look in his eyes seemed disturbingly familiar. I couldn't really place it.

And then suddenly, I could. I recognised the look in his eyes. It made all the sense in the world. I immediately thought of Bella, the same look in her eyes in all my recent visions.

Panicking, I slammed my secret thoughts down, burying the image of her harrowing face deep in the dark before Edward could catch the thought. But it was too late.

He had seen.

I felt his eyes on me before the Russian alphabet even entered my mind.


	2. Beneath Her Feet

Do you all remember in New Moon, when Edward revealed to Bella that he had left her 18th birthday presents under her floorboards? Well bare that in mind because it plays a part in chapter 2! 3

Disclaimer -I don't own anything Twilight related. I do this for free, merely for entertainment purposes.

Alice POV

Before he could compose himself, I caught the look of agony that streaked across his face. A human face wouldn't have caught the raw look in his bleak eyes, the twisted grimace of his mouth. It was gone almost as soon as it came, replaced by quiet fury.

Esme stiffened beside him.

My thoughts were empty of nothing but empty the look in Edward's eyes. His mouth slammed shut, the sound of teeth colliding, sharply resonating. His eyes turned hard, like coal. I didn't have to read minds to plainly see that he felt betrayed. I had betrayed my brother.

I tried to convey my feelings of shame through my apologetic tenor of mind. His eyes didn't soften, his gaze did not shift. He slowly walked toward me, almost stalking. Jasper stood, a low, protective growl rumbling deep in his chest. I was on my feet in the next second, preparing to defuse the situation.

I could hear Carlisle, quick on his feet as he joined us in the front room. Edward didn't spare him a glance. His eyes were stuck on me, on my face. My remorseful thoughts weren't enough to redeem this wrongdoing.

I looked around us, at the burning curiosity of our family. I could see that in all their curiosity they weren't going to be granting us any semblance of privacy.

"Perhaps we should talk about this over a hunt," I suggested as calmly as possible. His stony eyed glare seemed to subtly intensify.

"Were you ever planning to _tell me_, Alice?" His voice was quiet, thick with emotion. With more than just the rage that was set plainly on his face.

_Edward I swear I was going to tell you after you spoke with Carlisle. _

"Is this also _his _doing?" he demanded, taking an aggressive step towards me. Jasper hissed territorially. The front of his body overlapped mine.

"No, absolutely not. Edward this was _not _intentional," I told him. He grimaced, taking a step back as my visions of her seemed to merge into one in my memories. The floodgates opened.

None of them inspired much hope for Bella. Visions of her face twisted in agony as she writhed in pain at night, visions of her eyes so empty and yet so full of terrible things. The vision that began it all was the most intense. A vision of her crouched over a slightly broken floorboard, her eyes focused on the glinting reflection of a CD peeking out from beneath the wood...her fingernails bleeding as she clawed at it viciously, the beating of her heart loud in my ears.

His shoulders seemed to dip forward, in resignation. His face crumpled as it fell in his hands. It was clear he could no longer veil his scarred heart with aggression. Jasper, after he'd felt that Edward was no longer poised to pounce, started sending out the calming waves. I was grateful.

"Stop it, now," Edward whispered desperately. "I understand. I see."

Images of her were coursing through my head, Bella with dead eyes. I struggled to push her away, to forget for the moment. I focused instead on my explanation, which seemed somewhat futile now.

_I couldn't help it. I'm sorry for not being able to meet your demands, truly but she's my sister Edward. I held off the visions as long as I could manage. The bond won't break. I don't invite them in, they just come to me. These visions are telling me that she can no longer live like thi-"_

"Enough, Alice," he whispered. He turned his face up to look at me, his eyes dull with the waves of calm flowing over him. The set of his mouth was still grim. "Do you not understand how important this is? I _promised_ her. I promised her we would never bother her again, that we would stay away. So I _don't need you keeping tabs on her._ It's not just for my sake. A clean break is easier for us all-"

"Don't speak for us, Edward. This has been easy for _no one._ Who exactly has fared well in this? This arrangement is tearing us apart."

"This is no arrangement," he said quietly, without feeling. There was so much finality in his voice. My heart constricted for my sister. "I know better than any of you, what she needs. She needs a human life. And I can't..."

He stopped. His eyes seemed to flutter closed. He looked so lost in himself.

And then it happened.

When a vision took me, it usually tugged on the edges of my mind for a minute before it took place. But just as it always seemed to do with Bella, the vision marched into my head without any warning.

_"Ladies and gentlemen, we are now approaching Jacksonville International Airport. We hope you had a pleasant flight and hope you fly with us again in the future. Please stay seated until the cabin crew permit you to exit the plane."_

_The pleasant, professional voice of the pilot sounded fuzzy over the speaker as he addressed the passengers. I could see Bella, recognising her slight frame and limp, lifeless hair, her pallid complexion making her waxy in the dimly lit airplane. She was in an aisle seat, staring straight ahead of her, dead woman living._

_A female member of the cabin crew approached her, obviously slightly concerned at the state of her. She gently touched her shoulder. _

_"Excuse me, miss?"_

_Bella did not respond._

"ENOUGH!"

The sound of Edward barking out the angry order pulled me out of the water. His fists were bunched at his sides as he stared at me, wild eyed and desperate.

"I couldn't stop it," I spluttered, the stress of it leaking through my speech. "Edward, you saw it for yourself. It just came out of nowhe-"

He started shaking his head, silently imploring me to stop. He looked like he was burning, his face crumpled in pain.

_Go to her. _I begged shamelessly, feeling his ever approaching detachment.

"Don't you _ever_ ask me to do that Alice. Don't you dare."

Then He turned away. His movements were slow, lagging. The similarity to Bella was uncanny.

"Put a stop to this, Alice. Not for me. For her. She doesn't deserve to be spied on," he said smoothly, his voice deadpan.

Esme, unable to keep quiet at this point, moved to follow him. Her voice was faintly tinged with hysteria.

"Don't go," she pleaded, desperately. "I don't know exactly what's going on but you just arrived, darling. Stay. Hunt. Talk to your father."

"Not tonight."

Carlisle opened his mouth to speak. But it was too late. Edward was already out the door.

If I truly believed in a deity at that time, I would've prayed to him.

**Two weeks later**

Bella POV

My zombie state of mind returned when Sam took Jacob Black from me.

It may have been a slow, crawling return, with all the ups and downs of Jake's life as a werewolf putting a gradually widening distance between us. Sometimes he was my friend, sometimes not. It was hard for him, I could see that. Juggling me, broken goods, and his struggles with the pack. It didn't help that I couldn't love him like he wanted me to. It was only natural that I couldn't hold him to me, not when I refused to give him more than my willing friendship. But it all ended at my hand, which neither of us expected.

What little life I had left in me dwindled to nothing on the night that Victoria died.

It had taken longer than the pack had ever thought. Longer than anyone could've assumed, well, anyone except for me, naturally. It took me just about as long to grasp the fact that werewolves, despite their warm and fuzzy exterior, were strong and fast, not unlike their natural enemies.

Eventually, though, about three weeks before graduation, the vampire that haunted me from a past that I did not dare forget, was dead. I think that, in the end, when she realized that there was no getting to me, when more wolves started coming on the scene, she had to make a decision. Walk away and forget about her 'mate for mate' killing mission, or die trying to get the job done.

She went for the latter, of course.

Trying to resist the pull of the memory was utterly pointless. I was weak und unresisting against it. I couldn't evade it, even now, weeks after leaving the town that would forever be my home.

_Charlie was still on the nightshift when I heard the floor upstairs object to a sudden weight, the sound of cracking wood splintering. It sounded like a boulder had dropped onto my floor. _

_My heart stopped dead when I heard the feral, female screeching. It rang out too clearly, the sound all too lovely and lethal to be remotely human. _

_My heart stopped dead. _

_"Victoria," I gasped. _

_Before the air fully poured from my stunned lungs, I was surrounded by fur and canine growling. The fury was palpable. _

_How had she made it in here? _

_The wolves passed me in a blur, having busted down the back door. They were growling the house down, their paws battered against the carpeted stairs as they all fought to reach my room, where she had probably intended to wait for me. _

_And then I heard marble crack. _

I shook the memory off my shoulders, laying thick and heavy. The fear had been disabling. After they had ended her, they turned into their human form and carried her off into the woods, where the pieces of her were burned.

The relief still coursed through me, over a month later.

Jacob had stayed with me until Charlie's return. I remembered Jacob lying to Charlie for me, as I curled against him, shaking from the final remnants of my unwelcome adrenaline rush. Saying that some wild burglar had kicked the door in when Jacob and I were asleep on the couch. He told him that as soon as the burglar saw Jacob and me, he made a run for the woods.

The way Jacob said it with such confidence had me just about believing it. I suppose all mythical creatures have to get skill in lying through their teeth.

In the end though, it wasn't really her death that clinched it, but the events that followed.

Who could've known, that after I'd spent so long feeling like it had all been a devastatingly perfect dream, I would find all evidence of him right under my nose.

Or, should I say, my feet?

After I'd calmed down enough for Jacob to leave the 'scene of the crime', with a seething Charlie still pacing the living room, I left for bed. When I saw the patch of splintered mess on the floorboard directly at the head of my bed. That had been where her foot landed to hard. I wondered then if she had been young, perhaps too new to be in perfect control of her strength.

And then I saw it, a glinting, reflective gleam peeking from hole in the floor.

_What the heck? _I had thought, frowning as my eyes squinted at the strange glimmer.

_The strange, out of place surface of something shiny winked at me as I approached it, reflecting the light of my night lamp in a way that seemed familiar. I crouched down, curious as I picked at a chip of wood that shielded it. It was still largely concealed. _

_But I could plainly see what was hidden beneath the boards. _

_"Holy crap," I rasped out loud, suddenly reaching out for the sharp chips of wood. With a lot of the chipped wood still attached, I found myself clawing at it wildly, my fingernails bleeding, just as they had when I had desperately removed my CD player from my dashboard. _

_This time, I sought out my gifts. _

_There, in its heavily dusty, glorious jewel case, was my CD._

_Not just any CD. The CD that I'd only owned for a few nights. The CD that held everything my mouth couldn't say, translated in music._

Edward's _CD. _

_"Oh," I gasped, barely feeling the tears that streaked down my face. Could this be real? Was it merely a trick of the mind, trying to comfort me in my zombie state. _

_I found myself playing the disk in my portable CD player, silently sitting on the edge of the bed as I gently plugged my earphones in. _

_And then I pushed play, without even a thought. _

And that's where I had to stop. The memory only got more emotional from there on, which is not something I could really handle. I knew that after finding his CD, and my plane tickets to Jacksonville, that I had to leave.

I had to go somewhere. I couldn't exactly sit in Forks any longer, frightening Charlie with my returning depression and stringing Jacob along.

The tickets were a sign. I didn't even let myself think for a second that they symbolized any kind of hidden romantic declaration. I knew the truth about how he felt about me. I was all too aware of the fact that I was a mere distraction in his long life.

The long hidden birthday presents were obviously a result of his guilt. He had no doubt decided to contradict himself by leaving a part of our relationship for me, even though it was secretly hidden away. Maybe he'd hoped one day I would find it and smile, recalling our perfect time together.

Perhaps he hadn't given it nearly as much thought as I had.

It didn't matter anymore. I had left, using the plane ticket to get out of there as soon as I had graduated. There had still been enough time to say my goodbyes and give my somewhat shoddy explanations.

Nobody seemed to understand why I'd decided not to go to college.

I realized, when Jacob started to slip away, that I was simply prolonging my time with a life that was doing everything it could to shake me off. It was like I'd been born into the wrong world and with all my near death experiences, all the rejection I'd received from the ones I'd loved so implicitly, and all my general social gracelessness, I knew now that trying to connect with the world in any real way was asking for trouble.

So going to college and trying to get a life was off the cards for me. Out of the question.

I knew that to get through the rest of my life, I was going to have to lay low, stick to some dead end, meaningless job and wait for the end. Maybe I'd take up smoking just to speed it up.

You'd think I was suicidal. That was my one hard limit, the extreme last resort. I loved my family too much to leave them with only a memory so suddenly. I knew that was the most painful thing.

One minute, the person you love most is with you. The next, they are gone forever.

Living with Renee had gone pretty much as expected. I tried not to worry her with my instability, and failed miserably, feeling guilty for unloading myself on her. I could see in her eyes that even now, even after so long, she still didn't trust me not to freak out like I had when she came to take me home with her, just after the Cullens vanished.

I felt guilty for scaring her like that. I had been even less of myself then than I was now.

Now I was merely suspended, waiting. Waiting to die.

"Honey?"

My head snapped up, suddenly responding to my mom's voice.

"You were miles away," she chuckled weakly. "Could you pass me my saltines?"

I moved to reach for them at my side of the table and passed them to her. She wasn't having much luck with her dinner, barely picking at her food. Saltines seemed to be the only things she could keep down in the last couple of days.

"You should go to the doctors office," Phil muttered. "Before you give me whatever you've got."

"Oh," she murmured, fidgeting with the tablecloth. "Not much chance of that."

My intuition flickered. Renee was hiding something.

"Sorry?" Phil said, talking with his mouth too full.

"You had your flu shot sweetie. I'm sure you'll be fine."

One thing I noticed about Phil was that he could easily tell when my mother wasn't telling the whole truth.

And another thing I knew about my mom was when she wasn't telling the whole truth, she wasn't about to keep a lie to herself for more than 24 hours.

Out of sheer loyalty I decided it was time I interrupted. I had something to say, anyway.

I cleared my throat, gaining mom and Phil's attention immediately. They were already used to me saying next to nothing, after the two long weeks of living with them in painfully hot, clammy Florida.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Mom...Phil," I said, the breath blowing out of me like a gust of whistling wind. "Don't freak out, okay?"

"What? What is it, Bella?" Renee whispered, eyes quickly widening.

"You know I've been, uh, looking for work and all," I said nervously. I wasn't looking forward to this confrontation. "Well I found one," I said.

"Oh honey that's great!"

"Well done kiddo! Great ne-"

"It's in Orlando," I interrupted, almost silently.

Renee looked at me like I'd just forcefully eaten all of her saltines in one go.

"Orlando," she repeated flatly.

Oh dear.

"You mean to tell me," Renee began, folding her thin arms across her chest, "that you couldn't find a single job in Jacksonville? I mean come _on _Bella! The other side of the city was too far for you last week!"

"It's not like that mom," I readily insisted. The thing about Renee was that she wanted to believe me, even when my lies were ludicrous. That's why I rarely lied to her, because it was too easy. The guilt was hardly ever worth it.

She looked at me, her eyes full of confusion, as she waited impatiently for an explanation.

Right. An explanation.

"I just...I want to move out. I love living with you and Phil but it's time I tried to fend for myself. I know that if I don't go and see some of the world while I'm young, then I'll never do it. I don't want to be the kind of girl who just finds herself tied to one place forever."

And I had her.

It was painfully easy. All I really had to do was make her relate. She knew all too well how it felt to be tied down, to long to escape. I had no such feelings.

I just wanted to get out of her house, so she didn't have to see me like this. So I could lie to her through email. So that I could keep both of my parents in the dark.

I hated them knowing how dead I was. How so intensely irreparable I was as a person.

"When?" she whispered. I tried to keep my voice light

"I have a couple of interviews set up there for next week. I've sent away several copies of my resume."

"Next week?" she gasped. "So soon?"

My eyes flickered to Phil. He looked too suspicious for my liking.

"Yes," I replied. "Don't worry, mom. I'll stay down in Orlando for a week or so for the interviews and stuff. If it doesn't work out, I'll come home," I lied, trying to appease her.

"Well, where are you planning on _living, Bella_?" she demanded. Tricky question.

"I have a friend from forks high who stays there, actually. She goes to college in orlando," I smiled through my awful lies.

"Who?"

"Emily."

"Hmph. I don't like the sound of this, Bella. Can't you do the interviews and then come home between the days?"

"There's not much point. Mom I'm a grown woman, you said it yourself. I was born 30 and I get more middle aged every year, right?" I smiled, trying for humour. Most likely failing, judging by the look on their faces.

"How about we all get some rest and finish this conversation tomorrow, huh?" Phil mumbled quietly, returning to his beef cannelloni. "We should all sleep on it."

I agreed for the moment, knowing that Renee would only soften as the hours passed.

I was relieved to be done with the lies, for the moment. I dreaded to think what Renee would say if she knew how little I had really planned for my trip to Orlando.

**So what do you guys think? Poor Bella, she's a bit of a mood killer at this time. But don't worry, the next chapter has a lot more hope for her! **

**R&R please, I could use the love! Thanks for reading chaps and chapettes. **

**x**


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